Soup

What caveman woke up one day and though, “Gee, I sure do hate eating food AAAAND drinking water…it’s just so much work…but I gotta do both to live! ………Maybe I’ll just do both…at the same time!!!”

"Hey! What if we mixed the essentials of life in a bowl and sold it for $10 at the olive garden?!"

WRONG! Soup is stupid. I’m not saying it tastes bad, don’t get me wrong. I just think it’s the stupidest food ever. How could you explain soup to an alien without sounding like Tarzan? You couldn’t!

"How much do they charge you to eat it at the Olive Garden, Monkey-Man?!?"

Frankly, the very worst part about soup is that how unappetizing it looks! For example, here’s a visual list of soups, each captioned with a disgusting counterpart.

1) Ajiaco Soup

The stuff I spit into the sink every morning could pass for this Colombian bowl of crap.

2) Red Bean Soup

When you're feeling like a winner, then your butt blows out your dinner, Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

3) Borscht

"Let's put a dollop of sour cream on the leftovers from Grandma's Bone Marrow Transplant!"

4) Goulash

No sense in spoiling good vomit!

5) Lentil Soup

When you think your friends are joking, but your pants are brown and soaking, Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

6) Vichyssoise

"First one to finish this watered down mayonnaise wins!'

7) Gazpachos Manchegos

When you’re running down the hall, and something splatters on the wall, Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

8 ) Mulligatawny

"Put those leaves in that old Egg-Nog and EAT UP!"

9) Canh Chua

"I'm real hungry...Hey, you got some old food waste?!"

10) Chicken-Noodle Soup (yep.)

"Awww! You're sick? Here, let me pee on some noodles for you! I'm pretty dehydrated so I better throw some produce in there..."

If I had been crawling through the desert for days and one of these soups were the first food offered to me when I reached civilization, I might turn it down…Okay probably not, but I’d definitely ask what was in it before I accepted…