Joss Whedon’s “The Avengers”

I haven’t written in a while. A friend made an ambiguous crack about most blogs being too negative, and his inconspicuous, verbal kick in the balls made me cry myself to sleep.

However, I have recently been angered…and (at the risk of facing a million accusations that I will never lose my virginity) you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry…

"HULK LOVE NERDY SEGUE!"

There are very few people who are more likable when they are angry, but the one person I can think of right now that might be is Mark Ruffalo (Shutter Island, 13 Going on 30, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), who this last weekend at the San Diego Comic Con, accepted the role of Bruce Banner (the incredible Hulk’s alternate ego) in the upcoming Avengers movie. What this means is that come May of 2012, a pissy Italian man will be useful for the first time in history. The angrier Ruffalo is in The Avengers, the more we can expect to see the Hulk…which will be preferable for me because I don’t think Ruffalo will make a suitable Bruce Banner (who is probably my favorite Marvel character). In short, a mad Ruffalo is a good Ruffalo.

Now, who is to blame for this casting disaster? I give you the face of evil, Joss Whedon!

*dramatic reverb!*

This last weekend at Comic-Con in San Diego, it was announced that Whedon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, Dollhouse) will be directing the film, and that he had chosen Ruffalo to play Banner. Tragic…

Now, rather than continue my complaining about Whedon’s decision to cast Ruffalo as the not-so-jolly green giant’s true identity, let’s play a game. The game is called “Hmm. Yea, I can see that.” Playing is as easy as saying “Hmm. Yea, I can see that,” every time I show you a casting decision that makes sense.

ROUND ONE

If you said “Hmm. Yea, I can see that,” you win!!

ROUND TWO

If you said “Hmm. Yea, I can see that,” you win!

If you said “Woah, they totally look the same! I hope they put this much thought into casting the other characters,” you get extra points.

ROUND THREE

If you said, “Yea, I can see that,” I’d like to recommend a few optometrists to you. Give yourself extra points if your reaction was something along the lines of, “What the eff? Is this a joke??”

It’s sad to see that Banner is being represented by a man who could pass as the beefy lovechild of Luiz Guzmán and Fergie.

Secret, secret, I've got a secret.

And as if this slap in the face to fanboys everywhere wasn’t swift enough, guess which of the “Earth’s Mightiest Heroes” Whedon has decided to leave out of the film? I’ll give you a hint. Even though she gave the Avengers their name in the first issue back in 1963, she and her husband will not appear in the film.

Give up? Take a look at the picture below and try to spot anyone your unfamiliar with.

Now, for those of you whose knowledge of Marvel characters is dependent on the films, the little man with the weird helmet is Henry Pym (Ant-man) and the little Chinese Tinkerbell is his wife Janet (Wasp).

You may feel the same way as Whedon, who dismissed the absence of Ant-Man at Comic-Con by bluntly saying “Ant-Man does not appear in The Avengers.”  These two characters might not seem important enough to sway your feelings about the film, but I hope you will consider how much has been taken from the real fans.

WARNING! THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPHS MAY CAUSE MEAT-HEADS TO BECOME VIOLENT!

Still not getting it? Let me spell it out for ya.

Bruce Banner will not be played by a scrawny, helpless man. I don’t blame Whedon for the whole Edward Norton fiasco that’s went down a few weeks ago because I can believe that Norton is hard enough to work with that his inclusion in The Avengers might be a problem, but at least Norton fit the bill. It seems like no one cares much for the Hulk, and I think that’s because they don’t understand him. The Hulk is about correction. Suddenly a little man who can’t stand up for himself becomes the monster that no-one can stand up to. He puts the meat-heads who push him around in their place, and his mindless fighting style leaves a bad taste in the mouth’s of his adversaries who rely on brain power. Norton did a good job of presenting that, and I think a lot of people were finally starting to get a feel for the Hulk, but I think Ruffalo might be able to screw the pooch. He doesn’t look defenseless enough to me. I don’t think I could take him. I just can’t imagine him doing the character justice. The contrast between the Hulk and Ruffalo is not drastic enough. I know that seems odd to say, but the contrast is the whole point, and I wish Whedon understood that.

And as if a casting mishap wasn’t bad enough, Whedon actually managed to come up with a bigger insult to fans of the Avengers series. Leaving out major characters like Ant-Man and Wasp is very, very messed up. ESPECIALLY when additional characters like Black Widow (Scarlett Johanson) and Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner from The Hurt Locker) have been included for show. This is especially annoying for fans who have hoped that Marvel would begin paying some attention to their lesser known characters. Granted, Hawkeye and the Black Widow can’t really be called “well known,” but they are still secondary Avengers. Even Captain America, whose solo film is being ironically titled Captain America: The First Avenger, joined the team after Ant-Man and Wasp. Leaving these characters out of The Avengers is like leaving Angel and Beast out of the first X-Men film, and the continuity of that series is the laughingstock of the fanboy community! To be honest, the fact that I’m even able to compare The Avengers to the X-Men series sends shivers down my spine!  Unfortunately, it’s clear now that the vanity of Holly wood has found it’s way into The Avengers, and I blame Joss Whedon.

May Stan Lee have mercy on his soul…

_UPDATE  07.27.2010_

Today, many old rumors began resurfacing regarding Eva Longoria Parker (Desperate Housewives) possibly taking on the role of the Wasp in The Avengers.

The Wasp’s presence in The Avengers would almost solidify the inclusion of Hank Pym, though he may not be wearing his weird Ant-Man helmet.

Hank Pym has assumed many aliases since he first appeared in Tales to Astonish (1962). Though he initially went by “Ant-Man,” it wasn’t long before he went by “Giant-Man,” followed by “Goliath,” “Yellowjacket,” and eventually “Wasp.”

That being said, Joss Whedon’s statement at Comic-Con that seemingly blackballed Hank Pym from his film may have only been ruling out the presence of Ant-Man and not necessarily Giant-Man.

It should be noted that when filming The Avengers, Whedon has indicated that he will draw heavily from The Ultimates, in which Pym only ever dawns his Giant-Man costume. This could mean that we will see Giant-Man in The Avengers rather than Ant-Man.

Seems hopeful, right? WRONG!

While I still blame Whedon for the whole Ruffalo disaster, I’ve decided that Marvel’s president of production, Kevin Feige, is also to blame. Let me explain.

Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World), who signed on to direct a solo Ant-Man film more than two years ago, has said that his script doesn’t work for Whedon’s The Avengers.  Apparently, he and Feige talked and they aren’t sure it would be best to include this founding Avenger in the film… yea…

Nice going Feige. Just when it seemed that you guys at Marvel were starting to appreciate your own subject matter, you decide that a director with commitment issues should have more control over this character than Whedon (who isn’t off the hook either and never actually expressed much interest in the character). If you have half a brain, you’ll realize that Wright isn’t serious about this project and that an Ant-Man origin film would do just fine following Pym’s presence in The Avengers. If anything, The Avengers will introduce Pym to the majority of the world who doesn’t know who he is, giving them a real reason to go see an Ant-Man film.

Feige was responsible for firing Edward Norton (after he finally made the Hulk seem cool) and now this… *sigh*… You’re just the worst, Kevin…